


Twelve Steps

by PagetPaulson



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7624045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PagetPaulson/pseuds/PagetPaulson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Step one: admitting you have a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Please?" Emily let her head fall into her hand as she waited for her ex to answer her, the phone pressed to her ear. "Aaron please, I just want to see them." She sniffled, running her fingers through her thick hair as she adjusted herself on the couch. She understood in part why he was keeping her from them, but three weeks was too long a time.

"Emily, I don't want them seeing you like this."

The ambassador's daughter glared out the floor to ceiling windows as if she were looking right at the scolding older man. "So what, I'm never allowed to see them again? That's not fair."

Hotch sighed, hearing the tears over the phone. "If I bring them over to you, you cannot be drinking."

"That's fine, I won't."

The Unit Chief gestured to his son to get his shoes on, and he stood up from the couch. "Have you been drinking already today?"

Emily stood straight for the first time during that phone call, straightening her shoulders in defense. "Not a lot," she said quietly, eyeing the bottle sitting on her coffee table. "I promise. And I won't drink anymore today, ok?"

"Emily, I need you to not drink around them."

"I said I won't, ok?" She wanted to see her children more than anything, and if she wasn't allowed to drink then she wouldn't. "So can I see them?"

Getting his jacket from the coat closet, the single man took a moment to answer the woman he loved. How she didn't realize what she was doing was killing their family, he didn't know. "We'll be there in about a half an hour."

She hung up, quickly standing from the couch and making her way over to the kitchen. Her dark eyes drifted over the wine holders were her prized possessions once sat. She had owned over one hundred bottles collected from all over the world, and within one week she had downed each and every one.

It was only over a year ago when her friends and family had tried to convince Emily she had a problem. It had been after a rough case where she picked up a bottle, something she had done a few times before with other team members, but this case made something snap within the experienced profiler. Emily had been taken hostage, like many times before, and was kept for over two weeks. The team wasn't able to get her out without the fear of her three captors blowing up the bunker in which they held her, and she had known her children were missing her.

She had been beaten senselessly, tortured with different devices she still didn't know of to this day, starved and stripped down to sleep naked in the below freezing room.

After finally escaping her situation and spending her first night at the hospital with her husband and children by her side, Emily had slipped out and gotten a bottle of beer. But this time was different than all those other times, the warmth of the beverage falling right to the pit of her stomach and finally having the feeling of comfort come back to her. The alcohol had made her feel better than her husband even did. Maybe it was because he tried to understand her PTSD and made excuses for her to the rest of their friends. He didn't understand her. Alcohol did.

Clearing her throat, the now single mother took the two vodka bottles from the counter and hid them underneath her sink. She quickly rubbed her hands down her face, trying to make sure her skin wasn't sagging and the bags under her eyes weren't as visible, before quickly making her way up to her bedroom.

Blinking heavily to try and rid the blur from her eyes, the ambassador's daughter stripped herself of her shirt and took a clean one from her dresser drawer. She picked up her brush, combing out the ends of her hair to make it look like she at least had taken a shower, and put on two spritzes of presume so they couldn't smell the alcohol on her.

Before she made her way back downstairs Emily stole the small bottle of vodka from her underwear drawer and took a swig before going into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She had barely gotten the rest of the bottles cleared out and her living room floor clean before the doorbell rang, and she was quick to push a few things under her couch before making her way to the door.

"Mommy!"

Emily caught her daughter in her arms, doing her best not to cry into Penelope's hair as she picked her up. "Hey my Shiny Penny," she smiled, pressing kisses to those dark curls.

Hotch watched as their daughter clung to Emily's legs so his ex could pull Jack into a hug.

"God, how big are you?" she laughed, leaning back and swiping back Jack's growing hair.

The sandy haired boy smiled to his mother. "Coach has me in the weight room because I'm the smallest on the wrestling team," he blushed, letting the dark haired woman graze his cheek with her fingers.

Emily tried to smile. "Well I'm definitely coming to your next match." After the statement, the four members of the Hotchner clan let a moment of silence pass between them. For Jack's last two wrestling matches and Penelope's art fair, Emily hadn't been able to go.

She had been blacked out drunk for two of the events, and the third she had gotten so hungover her neighbor came to check on her and driven her to the hospital in fear she wasn't able to hold down any food that day. She had to be observed for over three days, the doctors realizing she had started bleeding from her rectum because of her drinking.

"I bet I'm so heavy you can't pick me up anymore."

The former FBI agent smirked at the remark, quickly turning around and patting her back.

Penelope watched with wide eyes as their mother held herself up as Jack jumped onto her back, and she carried him into the apartment. "Wow!" The six year old ran into the apartment after them and left her father in the doorway, pulling on her mother's pant leg to get her attention. "I want to try!"

Emily put her son down and let the thirteen year old give her a high five. "Maybe in a little bit, ok?" She rolled her shoulders, making sure her smile stayed put as she felt her muscles strain. "What do you guys say about going to the park?" If they were in her house too long they were bound to see the mess and her empty bottles that seemed to find their way into every corner.

"Mommy it's raining," Penelope pouted, looking out the window.

The ambassador's daughter shook her head, looking back out to the streets to see the grey clouds that had been covering the D.C skies letting it pour down. "Ok, what about a trip to the mall? We can have that famous cookie dough ice cream," she grinned.

Jack chewed on the inside of his cheek much like his mother did when she was anxious. "They closed Rollins', mom."

"When was that?"

The thirteen year old shared a small look with his dad who had finally made it into the apartment and shrugged. "Almost a year ago, I think."

Hotch watched as the realization hit the woman who had started treating the few dollar bottles of wine and vodka as her family instead of the children she had given birth to, and he slowly took a step forward. "How about a movie?"

Emily's eyes shot over to the older man. "Yeah," she nodded, "a movie sounds great. Do you want to go out to the theater?" She knew how much their daughter loved those big seats the movie theaters in town had put in.

"Yeah!"

Watching as their kids ran back over to the front door to grab their coats they'd shed, Emily tip toed over to her ex husband. "I'm sorry," she whispered, looking to him with her big brown eyes. "Can you drive?"

Hotch stopped himself from clenching his fists at his sides, seeing the sadness hiding behind those brown orbs he'd looked into as he said his vows. "I'll drive," he nodded. Leaning into the younger woman, he lowered his head to hers. "You brush your teeth. Again."

Emily quickly wiped the tears that wanted to leak from her eyes and slowly made her way back up toward her bedroom.

She could hear her kids downstairs, making jokes and laughing with their father, as she unscrewed her hidden bottle for the third time that day.


	2. Chapter 2

The stench of her own breath woke her up, her face that had been burrowed in her pillow popping up. She had cottonmouth, the immediate feeling in her mouth making her nauseous, and she could already tell that her hair was a mess.

Rolling over onto her back, the brunette woman could see the sun was already at its highest point in the sky. How long had she been sleeping?

After the family had watched a movie at the newly renovated theater at the closest mall, Emily had talked her ex into letting her get the children ice cream at a parlor in the mall, but after that Hotch had insisted that it was time for them to go home. Jack and Penelope had started to get wary of the older woman they called their mother, noticing she had started falling asleep during the movie and staring off into the distance a few times during ice cream.

Penelope had been the one to give her mother an extra long hug before they had left her, asking Emily if she would come to her play at school on Thursday night. Emily had immediately agreed, but both knew what could easily happen.

It wouldn't be the first time Emily had missed something due to being in yet another drunken haze.

Sitting up in her bed, the former FBI agent gave herself a moment for her headache to clear before she stripped herself of her clothes and got herself into the master bathroom. "New day," she sang blandly, ignoring her appearance in the mirror and almost limping her way to the shower. Reaching into the glass shower, the turned the handle to get the water to turn on, the single mother noticed the dent in the lower corner of the enclosed area.

Just after she had started drinking full time, the brunette woman had gone on a binger with one of her friends who didn't know about her problem yet, and she had thought that after ten shots and a mixed drink that it was a perfect time for a two am shower. Emily hadn't even taken off her clothes before stumbling into the shower, slipping on the spots of water that hadn't dried from her shower earlier that night and slipped.

She needed seventeen stitches, having to stay in the hospital for two days because of a concussion.

Emily let out a long sigh as she stepped underneath the hot spray, feeling it sting her skin. She reached her arms out to let them feel the burn, the scars from her childhood feeling the brunt of the stinging sensation. She loved it.

"Mommy?"

The brunette felt tears sting her eyes as she looked around her bathroom to find where Penelope's voice was coming from. She had started hearing voices maybe a month ago, what the cause of it was she still had no idea, but every time she heard one of her children and turned to see they weren't there, her heart broke a little more.

Breathing in the steam that surrounded her, Emily massaged the shampoo into her hair.

"Mommy?"

Emily kept her eyes sealed shut to keep her tears from spilling over and down her cheeks, her fingers roughly raking through her hair before she stepped back under the spray to wash the suds away.

It had to be at least noon, right? So she would go downstairs and get herself a cup of coffee before calling her ex to see, once again, if she was allowed to have the day with her children.

Twenty minutes later, the exhausted woman was out of the shower and slipped on her favorite fuzzy robe. Pulling her wet hair out from underneath the collar of her robe, she made her way downstairs and put on the coffee pot for herself. She passed the fridge, brushing her fingers over a painting Jack had made for her when he was seven and she had saved.

Not a moment went by when she wasn't thinking about her children, whether people could believe that or not. Every time she made herself something to eat, she thought about her beautiful children. Every time she would put her head to her pillow, she thought about her beautiful children. Every time she poured herself a drink or put her lips to any type of bottle, she thought about her beautiful children.

Hearing the small ding from her coffee maker, she took the pot and poured the steaming hot coffee into her favorite mug.

She breathed in the bitter smell just as she had the steam from her shower, and she brought the hot liquid to her lips. It stung her tongue, burning the roof of her mouth, and she couldn't be more grateful for the pain.

More often than not, she believed she deserved it.

Her eyes filled with tears for now the third time that morning. It was already after noon, and her house was empty. She didn't have her children, she didn't have the man she loved, she didn't have her job and now she barely had anyone in her life who wanted to spend time with her. Taking the vodka bottle from underneath her sink, Emily poured until her coffee was overflowing and spilling onto the kitchen counter.


	3. Chapter 3

"Stick out your tongue for me."

The brunette did her best not to show how heavily she had to blink to refocus her eyes before she opened her mouth for her doctor. Feeling her body lull lightly, the former FBI agent put her hands on the exam table she sat on to steady herself.

"Your throat is raw," he sighed, knowing exactly why that was. "Have you gotten sick lately?"

Emily's head shook.

Moving away from his patient, he threw out the stick he had used to get a better look at her tonsils. "Have you been drinking water?"

"Not as much as I should," she said regrettably. Sitting up straighter, she tried to fix the lapels of her leather jacket. It was the most expensive thing other than her house she could get her hands on nowadays. "Is something wrong?"

Dr. Isles sighed gently, turning to face the younger woman. "Emily, how many years have you been coming to see me?"

Emily frowned. "I don't know. Ten?"

"And how many check ups have you come for to have me tell you the same thing?"

The mother of two gave a nervous lick to her lips, casting her gaze down to the clean floor. She wished her floors looked that clean. "Am I getting worse?" she asked quietly. The last time she had come to his office, he had told her without slowing down her drinking she would have to get her pancreas removed.

Dr. Isles immediately recognized the pain he saw in those brown eyes. "You're not better," he amended. "There is no significant change from your check up two months ago, which honestly surprises me, but if you continue this for much longer I'm not sure your children will have their mother."

Emily's eyes stung at the statement.

"I apologize for how harsh that sound," the doctor said softly, sitting himself down in front of her, "but this is your reality."

The brunette huffed, quickly wiping her tears from her cheeks. With alcohol in her system, she wasn't really able to hold back her emotions.

Dr. Isles waited until he could see her clearly. "Do you need a glass of water?"

Emily was fast to shake her head. She wouldn't be able to keep that down at the moment.

"I hate to be so blunt with you, but this has come to a point where if you continue down this path then you may not get a chance to see your children before you're on life support."

Emily slowly nodded, hearing her sniffle effectively echo around the room. "So what do I do?"

The older man waited until his patient's eyes met his. "Stop the drinking."

"I've tried," she tried to explain to her doctor. "I can't go a day without a drink." She could feel him almost staring through her as she tried to stop herself from breaking down.

She felt pathetic.

Leaning forward in his seat, the doctor clasped his hands together and did his best to look as sympathetic as he could. "Have you gone to rehab?"

The brunette bit down hard on her lip, glancing up at the older man once more. "Once. I had a panic attack on the second day and they sent me to the hospital. After three days there, I wasn't forced back to the treatment center so I went home"

"Does your home now include your children?"

Emily's head shook. Her ex barely let her see them on her best days.

"Wouldn't you like for it to?"

The single mother choked out a sob, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. "More than anything," she nodded.

Dr. Isles smiled. "Then I want to recommend you some friends of mine. They're psychologists, one is a psychiatrist, and they're some of the biggest names in these fields. One of them is bound to know how to help you."

Emily's teeth ran over her now throbbing bottom lip as she watched him write down their numbers. "How can they help me?"

The older man frowned.

"How can they know how to help me when I don't know how to help me?"

Dr. Isles watched as the once beautiful and strong woman deflated in front of him, her head falling so he couldn't see her cry. "You know exactly what you need to do," he reminded her, ripping the piece of paper from his pad, "you just need help to start. They will help you." He offered her a hand and helped her stand, handing her the piece of paper once she had her bag in her hand. "Can I call a cab for you?"

Emily wiped her cheeks with the pads of her fingers before declining his offer with a shake of the head. "I got a ride here." Walking out the door, the brunette turned back to her doctor. "Thank you."

"Thank me next time you see me." He hoped by then she would at least be at her first step.

Making her way to the waiting room, the single mother tried her best not to stumble as the harsh light hit her eyes. "I'm ready," her dull voice came. "Can we go?"

Elizabeth Prentiss stood from her seat and quickly ushered her daughter out of the office. "How did your appointment go, darling?"

"How do you think it went?"

The ambassador frowned as she watched her daughter brush her hair from her eyes when the wind began to irritate her. "How long do you expect to keep this up?" The older woman found herself growing angry with the brunette woman she had once been proud to call her daughter. "When are you going to stop and go get yourself some help?"

Emily shook her head. "I've tried that."

"You tried for a day," her mother almost hissed at her. Straightening up as a family from the parking lot was entering the doctor's office, Elizabeth glared hard at her daughter who was clearly upset. "I thought you loved your children."

The former agent's heart broke at those words. "How dare you."

"If you wanted to get better for those children, you would have done it by now."

"Mommy?"

Emily's ears perked at the small voice. Was she hallucinating again? Turning, the single woman barely had time to brace herself before her daughter was jumping into her arms. "Hi my Shiny Penny," she grinned, her leftover tears falling into her dark curls. "What are you doing here?"

Penelope pulled back, sharing a quick kiss with her mother. "Daddy got me ice cream!"

Looking up, Emily's eyes met her ex's. She immediately knew he had figured her out.

"You smell minty, mommy."

The brunette blushed, feeling embarrassed and upset that she had had to brush her teeth three times before she could leave the house and not have her breath smelling like whiskey.

"Come on Penelope, we have to go."

Penelope's face fell, letting her father take her hand and lead her off of the sidewalk. "Daddy, I want to stay with mommy."

Hotch sighed, pulling his daughter along toward their car. What was he supposed to say?

"I'll see you another day, ok ladybug?"

Penelope's bottom lip puckered out as if she were about to start crying. "Mommy!'

Emily waved gently at the young girl as her father picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to the car. She could feel her tears starting again, Hotch's glare sending a shiver down her back and a strike to her heart, her daughter's cries finally breaking her.


	4. Chapter 4

Letting her mother help her stumble through the doors of the gymnasium, Emily held a hand to her head. She could see across the room with only a slight blur in her brown eyes and immediately noticed her son waiting to go out on the mat.

"Careful," the ambassador said quietly, helping her daughter around a few water bottles and wrestling helmets scattered around the floor below the bleachers.

Emily smiled gently to a few parents she passed by before walking up to the third row of bleachers to sit down next to her ex. "Has he gone yet?"

His hand went out to press against the small of Emily's back, the Unit Chief wanting to make sure she had a stable support so she wouldn't go tumbling backwards. "I'm glad you came," he smiled as best he could. "His first match is coming up."

"Where's Penny?" Noticing her son turn to look up to them, the single mother grinned and waved to him. She could see the happiness immediately wave through those chestnut eyes he'd gotten from his father before waving back to her.

"Mommy!"

Emily opened her arms wide and let her daughter jump onto her lap. "Where'd you go, baby girl?" She kissed the six year old's forehead, fixing a few hairs that were falling from her ponytail.

Penelope spun in her mother's lap and laid her back against her chest. "I had to pee," she answered, her dark eyes looking straight down to her brother. "You think he's going to win, mommy?"

The brunette smiled, letting the six year old take her hand and play with her fingers. "I sure do. Don't you?"

Penelope giggled, looking over to her grandmother for the first time. "Hi nana," she smiled.

"Hello darling."

Leaning into the woman he had married, the older man let his eyes drift to hers. "Are you ok?"

Emily bit her lip. Wrapping her free arm around her daughter's small body, the single mother slowly shook her head. "I don't think you understand how much you hurt me the other day." After seeing him and their daughter in the doctor's parking lot, she couldn't stop herself from falling to the curb and crying. "You can't just take her from me like that."

Hotch slowly let the hurt in his ex's words sink in "I'm sorry," he said quietly, his eyes darting out to the mat to make sure their son wasn't going without them watching, "but I can't have them around you when you've been drinking."

"So I'm never allowed near them?" she asked tearfully. "They're just as much mine as they are yours."

"And you want them seeing you stumbling your words and tripping over your own feet?"

Emily sniffled, shaking her head and looked out to their son. "I know you're mad at me," the brunette woman nodded, "and disappointed. I feel the exact same way, but without a drink my body starts convulsing and I can't breathe correctly."

The older man stiffened his shoulders, watching as the fourteen year olds on the mat started their match. "I've offered to help you into rehab."

"I tried."

"You tried for a day," he almost growled, not noticing his daughter starting to squirm in Emily's hold. "If you're not able to get this under control, I will not hesitate to start a custody battle."

Emily felt fear enter her at the intensity in her ex husband's eyes, the look he would give those criminals he'd shut behind bars, and she shook her head. "You can't take them from me," she whispered. "I have a good lawyer."

"I love you." Hotch could feel his own tears stinging his eyes as he watched the single mother tried to stop hers from falling. "And you know your kids love you, but I cannot have them growing up with a mother who's a drunk."

The former agent's jaw dropped. She knew she had a problem, everyone knew, but to hear those words out loud for the first time struck a chord. "You cannot take them from me," she said, her voice deepening.

"Emily, I-"

"You can't!"

The pair grew quiet when they felt eyes on them, Emily quickly taking her hand from her daughter's so she could wipe her eyes. She met the gaze of her son, the thirteen year old staring at her with wide eyes form his spot just beside the mat.

They heard a parent from the front row call everyone's attention back to the match, the Hotchner parents ever so grateful.

Letting her mother grip her hand, Emily fought the sob that wanted to rip from her throat. He couldn't take them from her, he wasn't allowed to do that. Was he?

She couldn't let him do that.

"He will not win that lawsuit if he goes along with it," her mother whispered harshly in her ear. "I will get you a better lawyer, and we're taking you back to therapy."

Emily huffed, the tears flooding her eyes making it difficult for her to see her son as he stepped onto the mat. She would not lose custody of her children.

The six year old in her mother's lap did her best to turn just as Jack started his match, her arms wrapping around Emily's stomach and cuddling into her. "I love you," Penelope said loudly, kissing the necklace her mother wore.

Chin trembling, the single mother took her daughter's head in her hands and kissed her forehead for as long as she could.

When the match was over, the ambassador had talked Hotch into letting them take the kids for a celebratory dinner, one without his supervision. Emily had both kids on her hands, walking out of the school and toward the car before her ex could object.

"Mom?"

Emily looked down to her son with a smile. "You did great," she applauded him.

Jack tried his best to smile back, knowing that his mother had barely seen a moment of his match because of her argument with his father. "I'm not too hungry."

"Well we can do something else," she suggested, opening the car door for her kids. "How about a movie?"

The twelve year old shifted uncomfortably, slowly slipping his hand from his mother's. The look on her face was enough to have him look away, not wanting to see her upset. "I just want to go home with dad."

Emily pressed her lips together. "You do?" She didn't know how much longer she could go on without crying in front of her kids. "Are you sure? I can make your favorite dessert," she laughed lightly, knowing how crazy her son went for her pudding pie.

"I'm sure," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Hotch stepped out of the school's entrance doors just in time to see his son running back toward him. He looked over to the car, his mother-in-law's driver trying his best to help his ex stand straight. He knew that look.

Emily was having a panic attack, her daughter jumping out of the car to try and comfort the woman she loved. "Emily?"

The ambassador's daughter couldn't feel her heartbeat as she fell to her knees, emptying her stomach onto the hot tar of the parking lot before she fell unconscious, her head hitting the rims of the car's tire.

"Emily!"


	5. Chapter 5

Her eyes felt as if they were glued shut. She could sense the lights above her but it took her a minute to get her muscles into her own control and move herself, pinching her eyes shut before forcing them open.

Her clothes felt itchier, like it was some kind of a soft sandpaper against her skin. Her hair was greasier, from sweat or not showering she didn't know. As she tried to sit herself up, her nose scrunched. Since when did her house smell so deathly clean?

"Emily?"

She froze. She knew that voice. "What are you doing here?"

Hotch kept himself still in the visitor's seat, hearing the doctors walk in. "How are you feeling?"

Emily frowned, realizing for the first time she was in the hospital. She had to hold back her sigh. What did she do this time? Slowly she sat herself up, wincing as a pain struck her around her wrist, and she sighed. "Did I hurt someone?" she asked quietly, her eyes fluttering over to the older man's.

Hotch shook his head. "No one but yourself."

The brunette sunk gently back into the hospital bed, looking to the doctor. "Hello." She felt as if she were back in detention.

The older man tried his best to smile at the brunette in the bed. "I would like to say it's good to see you again, Emily," Dr. Buyers sighed gently, "but with you back here in my halls I don't think it's the best choice of words."

"Can you please just tell me what happened?"

Dr. Buyers held his clipboard to his chest. "How about you tell me what you remember?"

Emily glanced over to her ex husband, feeling his eyes on her. "I was at my son's wrestling match," she started slowly, her forehead scrunching as she tried to recollect what had happened. "I was going to take the kids out, but Jack decided he wanted to stay with his father while I took Penelope out."

"Anything else?"

Frowning, the brown eyed woman let her brows knit together. "I think I fell." She couldn't see Hotch shaking his head to the side of her.

Dr. Buyers noticed the look on the other man's face. "Mr. Hotchner? Care to comment?"

Emily looked over to the older man, seeing the wrinkles that were starting to show in his pale skin deepen. "What is it?" She waited until his eyes lifted to meet hers, and she couldn't stop herself from gulping, the sound almost echoing. "What did I do?"

"You got sick." He sounded as if the words were hard to get out, like they were stuck on the back of his tongue as he worked up the nerve to get them out. "And you fell. You fell and you hit your head."

The brunette made a face like her ex had kicked a disabled little puppy right in front of her. Reaching up, her fingers gently touched the stitches in her hairline.

"Emily, I'm going to tell you right now that you're lucky we didn't have to pump your stomach." She had thrown everything up before they had needed to.

Emily's eyes moved back to the doctor in the room, noticing the nurse behind him giving her the dirtiest of looks. "I didn't drink that much today."

Dr. Buyers finally took his clipboard from his chest. "How much do you remember drinking today?"

"One glass of vodka," she said quietly. "I'm trying to cut back."

"You could have died today." All heads turned toward the FBI agent in the chair beside the bed, seeing how red he was getting by sitting there and trying his best to keep quiet. "You threw up all the alcohol you had, you hit your head, and it was all in front of the kids."

Emily, eyes stinging with tears, vehemently shook her head. "I only had one glass," she insisted.

Dr. Buyers took a step closer to his patient's bed. "Your blood alcohol level was almost three times the legal limit," he said. "And there were traces of temazepam in your system."

The single mother jerkily nodded her head. "I took two to fall asleep." Looking back over to her ex, she flinched at how hard his glare was. "If I drink too much then I get unfocused and can't sleep."

"You mixed pills with your alcohol?"

Before an argument could explode, the doctor put up his hand to get their attention. "Emily, we have to-"

"Do you realize how dangerous that is?"

Emily could have rolled her eyes. "I know that. Don't you think I know that?"

Hotch's eyes shot from his head. "Then why the fuck would you do that?"

"Maybe because I'm berated day after day by you, my mother and every other person I ever meet!" she almost cried. "And maybe because I was too upset from not being able to see my children so I drank a little extra. You can't blame me for everything," Emily hissed. "I'm not going to change when you put me down for everything I do." Huffing, she rolled her shoulders back. "Where are my kids?"

Hotch could have laughed. "Jack found out you were ok and left." He could see the hurt in her eyes. "Yes Emily, he left. Do you want to know why?"

"If I could cut in?"

The Unit Chief couldn't stop himself. "Because he'd rather be worrying at home with Penelope and my mother than stay here to see you so pathetic."

Wiping away her tears, the tired woman sat back against her pillow.

Dr. Buyers sighed. "Emily, you can't continue doing what you're doing."

Not able to wait another minute, Hotch stood, his hand slipping inside his jacket pocket. "Rossi came by earlier and gave this to me." Shoving it in the brunette's direction, he waited for her to take it. "The state is taking action."

Emily was quick to unfold the letter.

"If you don't go into rehab within the week, I get full custody."

Emily couldn't shake her head fast enough. "You can't do that." She threw the letter back at him, her hands clenching in her sheet. "You can't take them from me." He had threatened to many times but she never thought he would actually take the opportunity to do so. Those were her babies.

Hotch, for the first time that day, felt pity for her. "It's not in my control. Someone alerted CPS."

"No," she rushed out, her tears falling and staining her lips. "No you can't do that."

"Emily," her doctor tried to call to her, the nurses behind him rushing to stop her from hurting herself. Her arms were flying, and if they couldn't calm her down then they'd have to restrain her. "Emily!"

Hotch backed himself up against the wall, his hand running over his mouth as he tried to will back his tears.

He loved her, but he loved his kids more.


	6. Chapter 6

Grabbing her bag from the chair beside her hospital bed, the single mother made a beeline for the open door.

It hadn't been ten minutes since the doctors told her she was allowed to be discharged, and sent straight off to rehab without a say, but she wouldn't be able to go if she couldn't see her kids beforehand. She couldn't leave them and not let them know how much she loved them.

Emily shouldered her bag and carefully made her way out of her room and out of the hospital, the light burning her eyes once she stepped outside.

She ignored the voice she heard calling her name. She knew Penny wasn't there. It was just her imagination again.

Her head hurt, her stomach ached, and she could feel herself shaking as she made her way to the street. She hadn't been able to have a drink for a few days while she was staying in the hospital, no one would sneak it in for her, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't think the morphine they had given her for the pain didn't do its best to fill that void.

She stumbling slightly as she stepped onto the curb, her hand blocking the light from her eyes as she tried to hail a taxi.

"Miss?"

Emily turned, eyes wide.

The older woman smiled as gently as she could, noticing the scared look the brunette wore. "You dropped this."

The alcoholic took the watch from the stranger's hand. "Thank you." Hastily clipping it back onto her wrist, Emily got herself into the cab that sped to the sidewalk and gave the driver the address.

She hadn't gone down without a fight. Hotch had demanded they speak once more before he ultimately forced her into rehab, and she'd refused. The younger woman was angry. Who wouldn't be?

But after hours of arguing, she knew it would be her best shot to agree with her ex and meet him somewhere where they could talk about the kids and get everything out in the open before she had to go away.

She was trading her life so her kids could have theirs.

"Can you drive a little slower please?" Emily asked the driver, hating the look he gave her through the rearview mirror. She had to put this meeting off as long as possible. What was she even supposed to say to him?

Everything they needed to speak about had already been spoken about, but of course Mr. Unit Chief, always the alpha male, had something more to say. She just didn't know if she was ready to hear it.

Twenty minutes later, the brunette was blinking heavily to block the light from her eyes as she stepped out of the cab.

"Hey Em."

Emily could feel herself shrinking inward as her ex husband came to meet her at the curb, and he held his hand out for her.

When she hesitated, he tried for a smile. "I'm not going to bite."

"How do I know that?"

He should have expected that. Keeping calm, Hotch opened the hotel door for the younger woman and let her walk in before him. "You've been sober for two days now," he reminded her, wanting her to be proud.

Emily flinched as he tried to reach for her arm. "Not by choice."

"But you still did it."

Ignoring his words, she stopped in the middle of the lobby. "Where do you want to talk?" she asked, her eyes meeting his for only a moment as she adjusted her purse.

Hotch gestured down the nearest hallway. "There's an open ballroom," he suggested, knowing that she wouldn't want to talk about it in front of those she didn't know.

Emily slowly nodded her head. She felt as if everyone was staring at them before she walked out of the lobby and down the hallway, following Hotch into the second open ballroom.

Penny was quick to sit up in her seat. "Hi mommy!"

Her eyes wide, jaw dropped to the floor, the brunette stopped her stride in the doorway. "What is this?"

Her mother, Hotch's parents, their BAU team who she hadn't seen in God knows how many months, and even her doctors. Was this some type of joke?

"Emily." Hotch watched as she spun on her heel and made an immediate sprint for the exit, but he quickly stepped into her path and made sure to push her back just slightly so she couldn't get past him.

Their voices were too much, their eyes on her having the single mother falling into a pit of her own self pity as she tried to escape them. "No!" she begged the older man, her tears falling as she tried to push past him. "Let me go," Emily cried, her ex's strength too much for her. "Please."

He brought his face to hers, making sure his hands cupped her cheeks. "I need you to listen to me," he spoke quietly, trying his best to ignore the scared look in her eyes. "You're two days sober. Do you know what an accomplishment that is?" Bringing her closer, he let her shaking hands rest on his to try and calm herself down. "You already agreed to rehab, but we need to make sure you stay there this time."

Emily's scared eyes looked back and forth between her ex's two. "What is this?" she whispered hastily. "Some sort of intervention?" The squeak in her voice at the end of the question had Emily ducking her head in embarrassment.

"We've told you time and again how much you mean to us and how much we want you better, but you've never actually listened."

The brunette looked like a kicked puppy. "That's not true."

"Then why aren't you sober yet?" he challenged. Seeing their daughter squirming in his father's lap, he took his hands from Emily's wet cheeks. "All you need to do is listen."

Emily's teeth grit, doing her best to stop her chin from quivering as he turned her to face their families in the room. Catching her breath, she bent down and let her daughter run into her arms.

"Mommy, sit next to me."

The brunette didn't even try to smile as she pulled back, finally noticing the therapist standing from her seat. "I think mommy has to sit with this nice lady," she choked out, coughing to take away the lump in her throat, "but why don't you go sit with Grandma Annie?" Standing straight, Emily let the older woman walk up to her.

"Emma Mainway," she introduced herself, holding out a hand to the brunette. "I've heard a lot about you."

Emily moved her eyes away from Mainway's and saw and empty seat just beside her mother and the man she loved. "I take it that's where I'm supposed to sit?"

Mainway gestured to the empty spot on the couch, watching as the former agent walked as slowly as she could over to the seat in the center of the sofa. Emily sat herself down, her bag falling to the floor and her eyes on only her daughter, knowing her son was too ashamed to look at her right now. "Emily, I understand you've already agreed to rehab."

The brunette kept herself silent, waving gently to her daughter on the other couch.

"But I've been told you've gone before. Why do you think it didn't stick?"

Emily sighed, licking her lips. "Wasn't ready, I guess."

"And why do you think you're ready now?"

Feeling her eyes sting once again with tears, Emily looked to Jack, watching as he finally looked up from his hands. "Because if I don't go, I'll lose my kids." She brought her sleeve up to dry her eyes. "I know I haven't been a good mother lately, but I can't lose them. They mean everything to me."

Mainway smiled softly to the younger woman. "I've been informed on your situation, and to take this step is incredibly brave. Do you know that?"

The brown eyed woman could have laughed. It wasn't as if she made the choice herself.

"We're here today to talk about what you'll be gaining by heading into treatment. What do you think, by getting in control of your addiction, you'll be able to gain?"

Emily looked thoughtfully at the therapist for a moment. "My children," she almost shrugged, not necessarily sure of how to answer her question. And with everyone's eyes on her, she couldn't feel any more self conscious. "My family," she could feel Hotch's eyes burning a hole in the side of her head, "my friends. The life I had," Emily almost choked, "maybe."

Mainway leaned forward in her chair. "Why 'maybe'?"

"I've done a lot of things to these people," she spoke through her tears, finally gaining the courage to look at Dave and Morgan who sat with her mother and father-in-law. "I've lied to them, I've stolen from them. I really let them all down."

JJ moved to speak, but the therapist was quick to put up her hand. This was Emily's time to talk.

"I can't take back what I've done to them, so I know that nothing can be the same." Turning to look at her friends, she sucked back her tears. "I am sorry. But just the fact that you're all here means everything." If she worked hard, she knew she could gain at least a percentage of their trust back.

"Now Emily," Mainway said softly, bringing the attention back to herself, "before we can allow you to head off to treatment, your family wanted to let you know how the felt."

Emily gulped, knowing the bags under her eyes looked darker from her crying and her nose reddening, and she slowly sat back against the couch.

"Jennifer? If you could read your letter?"

If the blond could ask for anything it would be the ability to smile at her friend across the room, but the pain in her eyes that replaced the sparkle she once knew had her heart break. "Emily, when I met you I loved you right from the start. You were my best friend." Cursing herself for already feeling tears well in her eyes, JJ continued. "When you had Jack and Penny, I was so excited for us to be able to do those 'mom' activities no one else could relate to, but lately I've been more of a mother to your children than you have. I've picked them up from school when Hotch couldn't and you were still asleep at three in the afternoon, I've made them dinner and let them have sleepovers with Henry when Hotch had to take you to the hospital because you got into another accident."

Emily moved her hand to cover her mouth so no one could see her lips tremble. JJ had done all she could for her, and she had kept Strauss off her trail for the longest time she could. She didn't know if she'd ever thanked the blond for that.

"I want my friend back, but most of all I want you to be able to be yourself again. You haven't been happy, you don't know how to be anymore, but treatment can help. Going to treatment can help you find your smile again, so promise us you'll stay. Promise us that this time you won't give up."

The single mother silently shook her head, bringing her sleeve she'd wrapped around her hand up once more to wipe her tears from the corners of her eyes.

Waiting until the therapist nodded for her to go, Emily's mother took out the perfectly printed paper she had typed her letter on. "Darling, we haven't been the closest and for that I am sorry."

Emily could already feel her heart sinking into her stomach.

"When you experimented during your teen years I thought it was just a phase, and that it was mostly my fault, but after you gained the career you wanted and had your beautiful children, you continued to drink." The ambassador gave herself a moment to swallow, trying to get past the lump forming in her throat. "I've tried to help you, everyone has tried to help you, but none of us have been able to get you to listen. I kept wondering 'what will it take?', but then you went back to the hospital and you realized what was important." She wanted nothing more than to take her daughter's hand but out of the corner of her eye she could see how much it was shaking. "You will make it through rehab, I know you will. And when you do, we will all be here to celebrate with you. I love you, darling. Make me proud."

Turning to look at her daughter, the ambassador gently laid a hand to Emily's leg. "Make yourself proud."

Letting out the breath she'd been holding in, the single mother could feel her body deflating, the words her friends and family were taking all the energy she had left.

"Aaron?"

Emily's dark eyes flashed quickly to the man she sat beside, her tears shining when he looked at her. Her lips rolled, afraid for what he would say but afraid of what he wouldn't, and she could see the letter he had written was a good three pages long.

Hotch turned to fully face the younger woman, wanting to cup her cheek like he had every time they kissed as he saw her tears start to break free. "Emily, I know you want us to be proud of you. You've always been the one to reach a new goal before it even entered anyone else's mind, and you've always put everyone else before yourself. For all the years I've loved you, these last few have been the hardest."

The brunette couldn't stop the suck in of air from echoing around the room.

"You traded me for your bed and our kids for the bottles of vodka I know you stash underneath your sink." The room was silent, their eyes glued to the couple on the couch as Hotch went on. "I knew your past when I married you and you knew mine, but I wasn't prepared for what was to come." He let his eyes drift back to Emily's. "I'm so sorry for what happened to you, but we've tried to help you and you've refused. How are we supposed to work if you can't even talk to me?"

Hastily wiping away her tears Emily shook her head, hiding her face in her hands.

Hotch put his hand to the small of Emily's back. "I'm proud of you Emily, I always have been, and going to treatment is going to make you so much stronger. Do you understand that?"

He cleared his throat after hearing his voice crack, his tears finally falling. "You were the sun while I was the moon," he almost whispered, just for her, "we were never exactly in synch, but when the rarity occurred we were beautiful. We meant something."

Her body almost fell into his as it wracked with sobs. It was what they had spoken about on their wedding night, and what they reminded one another of whenever they fought.

"Maybe once you're better we can mean something again, but I want your first priority to be yourself. I know you see yourself as this independent woman, but we need you and you need us. We have to work together," he pleaded with her, "we can't lose you." Flipping to the last page, he didn't even look at the words. "I love you Emily, our children love you, and you don't know it yet but you're going to come out of this stronger than ever. You're going to get through this, and we will be there every step of the way." He took a chance and brushed her hair back, seeing those dark eyes staring back at him. "Trust me. You'll make it."

A minute after Hotch's speech Mainway had the room settle, Emily letting her ex husband cradle her against his side to calm her down. "Do you need a moment, Emily?"

Emily hiccupped into the handkerchief Dave had passed to her, shaking her head.

"There's one more letter we'd like to read to you." Looking to the young boy in the room, Mainway smiled. "Jack?"

Eyes wide, Emily shot a surprised look over to her son.

The twelve year old held his breath for a moment, the silence in the room deafening him as he tried to find the starting point of his letter. "I know I really hurt you, mom. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't love you, cause I do," he shrugged, afraid to meet his mother's eyes, "you're my mom."

The brunette woman shook her head. She wasn't ready for it; for her son to tell her how disappointed he was in her, how much he didn't want her at his games, to let her know just how much he despised her for ruining his games and even some of his friendships.

"Mom I'm really sorry I made you feel like I didn't want you as my mom anymore," he almost cried, "cause I really do. I just don't like it when you drink. You get really scary."

Jack chanced a look at his mother, noticing her eyes growing sadder with each word. "You fall into things a lot and you keep going to the hospital. I love you and I try to make you think I'm ok with you now because I don't want you to think I hate you, but if I have to visit both of my moms at the cemetery then I can't forgive you."

Penny quickly stood up, her hand hanging onto Jack's. "Love you, mommy."


	7. Chapter 7

Hanging up the center's phone, Emily smiled smally to the therapist who had stuck with her in the room. "They sounded really happy," she shrugged, imagining her children's faces.

The older woman grinned. "How's that husband of yours?"

Emily rolled her eyes, leading her therapist from the common room. "Ex husband," she corrected dully.

"Ex husband, are you sure? With the way you two were talking?"

The brown eyed woman laughed, turning to look at the blond beside her. "Maggie!"

Maggie's eyes closed as she laughed. "You two were on the phone last night for how long?"

Blushing, the alcoholic tried to hide her smile. After the two months she had been away, Hotch made sure every day she got a new picture of the kids sent in the mail, and each one she had taped to the wall above her head once she laid down. Every time she looked up to the ceiling on a restless night, she could see their faces.

"Do you need a moment?" The older woman noticed Emily's face sullen.

Emily straightened her shoulders, looking to her therapist as they walked out onto the back patio and shook her head. "I'll be ok," she smiled. "I just miss them."

"They'll be with you again sooner than you know it," the blond tried to comfort her. "How about some tea over by the ranch?" That always helped Emily out of a funk.

Turning to look out over the Cliffside, Emily shook her head. "I'll be alright out here for now. Thank you."

She waited until the older woman was back inside with the other patients before stepping closer to the wooden gate that surrounded the center, her hands atop it. All that surrounded her and the center were the trees and garden planted at the edge of the cliff before you could look off the cliff to the canyon below.

Arizona was greater than she could have imagined. She was afraid she'd be bored out of her mind, the dry heat making her withdrawal symptoms worse than they already would have been.

Instead, after she had gone through her withdrawal, the therapists showed her the horses and let her help them groom them before her three week time stamp which was when she first got to ride them. They had her garden, fix up the broken parts of the fences and continuously clean up around the center inside and in the barn.

Keeping busy helped her keep her mind off of her kids or wanting to go have a drink. In the first month, when she was finally left alone for the day after her journaling session with her therapist or when it was time for bed, she wasn't able to cry. She would stare blankly at the pictures she pasted onto her wall. It was after her first horse ride where the pit in her stomach seemed to harden, but her first call with her heels was when she broke down.

She had cried for an entire day. Without eating or even getting up from her bed for hours, she had emptied her already barren stomach, stumbling and falling onto the floor once she thought she was strong enough to stand. A medic had to be brought in to make sure she would recover alright.

Brushing her hair back from her eyes as a breeze slowly picked up, the single mother watched as a hawk flew from a rock down in the canyon, maybe a good ten miles from her very spot, soar into one of the few clouds in the sky to meet another soaring high.

"Mommy?"

Emily's dark eyes shot open at the sound. She hadn't had a hallucination since her third week. Her eyes snapped shut, hands curling tight around the sanded down wood to try and rid the voice from her head.

"Mommy?"

It sounded closer. Was she really slipping back? She hadn't had a relapse her entire time in treatment.

There were murmurings now. "You're not real," she whispered fiercely, her growing nails digging into the fence. "You're not real."

"Mommy," Penelope laughed, waiting until the addict finally turned her way. "Mommy!"

Emily let her eyes flutter open, her hands unclenching from around the top of the fence as she sucked in a breath. "Penny?" Her eyes filled with tears as the laughing girl raced toward her.

The six year old girl slammed into the older woman, her arms wrapping around her neck so her mother could lift her off the ground.

She was lighter than Emily had remembered, but mayb that was because the older woman was finally getting her body back in shape. After the moment of surprise passed, Emily tightened her arms around her daughter and laughed, feeling her cheeks grow wet. "What are you doing here?" Setting her down, the brunette wiped her eyes. "Did daddy bring you here to surprise me?"

Penelope excitedly nodded her head.

Emily smiled, brushing her daughter's long hair back so she could see her face. She looked so grown up.

"You look pretty, mommy," Penelope giggled.

"Do I?" Her skin wasn't as sickly pale as it once was and her eyes definitely didn't look as tired. "Well thank you."

Looking up from her daughter, Penelope never letting go of her mother's leg, watched as her son slowly made his way over to her. "Hey there, bud." Emily saw his eyes soften when he looked at her.

Jack looked lost for a minute. Sure they had spoken over the phone and he was ecstatic that she was finally getting better, but he had been harsh with her just before she left. He had even overheard his father speaking with his Uncle Dave, saying Emily had cried the entire flight.

"Are you just going to stand there or do I get a hug?"

Slowly stepping forward, the wrestler took his time walking through the freshly cut grass. "I missed you."

Emily was quick to open her arms, letting the thirteen year old plow into her, his tears immediately soaking into her shirt. "I missed you too," she whispered, running her hand over his head.

"I'm sorry."

The brunette quickly pulled back, looking to her son with wide eyes. "For what, baby?" The pain she saw in his eyes had her heart break. "Guess what? I wouldn't be here without you," she told him strongly, holding onto his hands. "You know that, don't you?"

Jack sucked in a shaky breath, his tears spilling down his cheeks.

"I can see you clearly." The brunette almost laughed at her words. She hadn't been able to see her kids without a blurred film over their silhouettes. "I'm so much better," she promised him, pressing a long kiss to his cheek and letting him hug her once more.

"Are these your babies?"

Emily stood, smiling to the older woman walking back out onto the patio. "Maggie, this is Jack and Penelope. Guys, this is my therapist Maggie."

Penelope ran up to the blond and threw her arms around her center. "You helped my mommy?"

"Your mommy did it all on her own," the therapist said, smiling over to her patient. "I just got to watch her get better."

Feeling her fingers itch to pick at her nail beds, Emily looked around. "So where's your father?" She let Penelope take her hand again and play with the ring she wore. "Is he hiding?" she tried to smile, watching her daughter smile up to her.

"You gotta find him!"

Emily held in her sigh. "Why don't you stay here with Maggie while I try to find him?"

She met her therapist's eyes as she took a breath, waiting for the older woman to give her the go ahead before she made her way around the center. Not seeing the man she loved in months had her nervous, not prepared for how he would treat her when he saw her.

She would always have her addiction, but she was learning to get it under control. If she went home, would she be able to keep her sobriety? It didn't matter if her house was clean and free of bottles; that was the case before and she still found ways to get her hands on alcohol.

Stepping around the side of the center, her eyes squinted from the sun.

"Hey stranger."

Emily bit her lip. She could finally see him clearly. "Hey," she smiled, slowly making her way up to the older man. "Did you miss me?"

Hotch tried his best to hold back the tears he had been wanting to shed for years. Her skin was glowing, her eyes bright, and she gained back the weight she had lost. She looked like the woman he had fallen in love with again: her fingers fiddling, that hint of uncertainty in her eyes, her hair shining.

"Like you couldn't believe."

The brunette held herself back from running into his arms.

"You look beautiful."

Emily gnawed down into her bottom lip as she smiled. "I feel pretty good," she shrugged. "Two months."

"Two months and one day," he challenged. Putting down the flowers he had bought for her, he took a step toward her. "Can I?"

Emily's dark eyes flickered down to his open arms.

Hotch was quick to wrap up the younger woman in his arms, pressing a kiss to her hair as she settled against him. Her fingers nervously played with the back of his shirt before she fully hugged him back.

She laughed, her arms tightening around her ex as he lifted her off the ground. "I might be a little heavier," she snorted as her feet hit the ground.

"A little healthier," he corrected.

Emily tried to keep her eyes on Hotch, but as his hands cupped her cheeks and he looked into her eyes, her heart raced. Was he judging her? Was he checking the size of her pupils? She knew she hadn't slipped but she would understand if everyone needed more time to process her recovery.

Hotch's thumbs brushed over her soft cheeks. "Do you know how proud I am of you?"

The addict's eyes stung. "Aaron..."

"You did this for you, for our kids, for your future. I can't imagine how hard this was," he breathed, brushing back her hair. "I am so proud of you."

Emily gave a watery laugh as she nodded. "I'm pretty proud of me too."

Hotch kissed her forehead, finally stepping back to give his ex some room to breathe. "I know us being here is a surprise. I should have given you notice."

"We were just on the phone," she pointed out, gesturing back to the center's front doors. "You could have told me then."

"So you don't like our surprise?"

The smile on his face was all she needed to feel better. "I love it."

Hotch let out a breath, smiling down to the younger woman and finally giving her the flowers he had bought. "You're supposed to get out tomorrow so we thought we would get here a day early to give you something to look forward to."

Emily could have broken down. That was the sweetest thing he had ever done for her. "Aaron, I need to talk to you."

"What?" His face immediately went pale. "What is it? Are you ok?"

Her head shook. "Nothing is wrong," she assured him, glancing down to the flowers she held. Fingering the petals, the dark haired woman smiled. "Let's go to the back. I need to tell the kids too."

Letting his hand find hers, the addict led her ex onto the patio. "Don't break the therapist, please," Emily called, hearing Hotch start to laugh.

Maggie looked up, hiking the six year old onto her back. "Don't doubt my strength, missy."

Emily grinned. "Do you guys want to come over here for a second?" She felt herself blush as the man who held her hand pulled out a chair for her, and she pressed her cheek to his shoulder for a gentle hug before sitting herself down; that way he knew she was grateful.

"Mommy, Maggie said there are horses!"

"There are," the single woman said, eyes as wide as her daughter's. "Did Maggie tell you mommy has a horse of her own?"

Penelope's jaw dropped, not noticing Jack's body fall back in his chair. "You got a horse, mommy?"

Emily set her flowers down and finally let go of her ex's hand. "I'll take you to see her in just a little bit," she smiled, "but mommy has to talk to you for a minute."

"You're ok mommy, right?"

The brunette forced herself to keep her smile at the innocence in her daughter's voice. "I'm ok. You should thank Maggie just like I have," the brunette said softly as she nodded, looking over to the therapist near the fence who was doing her best to leave her alone with her family, "she was very helpful." Sitting forward slightly so she could see her children without the sun in her eyes, the newly rehabbed woman let her fingers find the designs on the table's top. "So daddy told me you guys came here to take me home tomorrow."

Jack smiled smally for the first time that entire trip. "Are you excited?" He had missed her so much more than he ever thought he would: the first week, it was hard to even get out of bed.

Emily gave herself a moment to calm her heartbeat. "I am. But I think I'm going to need a little more time before I can really come home."

The six year old's big brown eyes filled with tears. "Don't you miss us?"

"Oh honey I missed you more than anything." Emily quickly pushed her chair back and let the young girl run from her chair and jump into her lap. "But you see how much better I am?" She felt Penelope nod her head against her chest, and the single woman looked up to see Jack give her a smile. "I think that maybe if I stay a little longer, then I'll get even better."

Hotch's eyes softened on his ex wife. She wasn't ready yet.

"I know you were so excited to have me come home, but I need a little more time before I can be one hundred percent better." Now the adults knew that that wasn't at all possible, but if she was going to come anywhere near that point then she needed to stay in treatment.

Hearing her daughter sniffle, Emily shifted the six year old in her lap so she could look into her eyes. "Doesn't mommy seem so much better?"

Penelope nodded her head. "So much better."

"I'm going to get even better if I stay a little longer. Ok?" Emily brushed back her daughter's long hair behind her ears. "But you can come visit me again, and we'll video chat just like you like to."

"Can we ride the horses?" she asked in a small voice.

Emily grinned, pressing a kiss to Penelope's head. Anything to make her happy.

Hotch ran his hand over Jack's head as they walked over to the stables, his eyes on the beautiful brunette woman who was carrying their daughter. He could see the sunlight shining off her dark hair, his eyes locking on her and Penelope as they shared a kiss.

"Are you ok, dad?"

The Unit Chief looked down to the thirteen year old at his side. "Of course I am. Are you?"

Jack looked over to his mother, never stopping his stride. "Yeah. She's better," he nodded. "I'm proud of her."

Hotch followed his son's line of sight and watched as she turned, Penelope on her hip. She was smiling wide, her skin almost golden from the sun as her eyes met his. "Me too," Hotch smiled. And he knew she was proud of herself.


End file.
